Silence!

For the first time in what feels like forever, my house is actually quiet. (Well, excluding the clicking of my keyboard!)

My precious little Sabella is sound asleep, in her crib thankfully, my parents are sleeping, my sister and her baby aren't here, and nothing else is going on. No music, no TV's, nothing. It's so... amazing. Peaceful. It kinda makes me miss the times I had before Sabella, when I was home alone and there could just be nothing going on, I could just lay in bed for hours and think, or basically do whatever.

I love having her around, but sometimes I wish I could just put HER on pause and have a few hours where my thoughts weren't clouded by, "When does Bella need to eat", or "Is she awake? Am I going to need to go get her soon?"

Right on cue, she's awake now. (:

Later: Now, twenty minutes later, I'm back... someone needed a bottle and some cuddles before she fell back asleep! She's still a tad bit restless, but on her way to sleeping... I hope!

One of the hardest things for me, as a mom, is listening to her fussing over the monitor and thinking, "I can't go to her yet, if I go to her right now, she's going to eventually learn to be spoiled." Kills me sometimes to hear her upset and know I can't just go to her the second she makes a sound!!

But on the other hand, after letting her fuss for a minute or two, when I go to help her with whatever she wants, she's so happy to see me, which I totally love!

On another note, I got a break today, which was nice... my step-dad watched Sabella for a few (nay, 7) hours so me and my mum could go have some girl time without toting a baby around... as much as I love her, it's SO nice to get out sometimes! We went to the mall, did some shopping, and saw the Hunger Games, which we've both been DYING to see since we read the books... but I never imagined how much I'd miss Sabella being gone from her for so long! It was the first time since I gave birth that I was away from her for more than just a few hours. I was SO excited to see her when I got home, I didn't even get some of my stuff out of the vehicle, I just grabbed what I could and ran in so I could hold her!

The last thing on my mind today would be that, dang, I really, REALLY HATE being a single (teen) mom sometimes! Not entirely for the baby-aspect, but because it's so hard to date... every guy I meet seems to either not want to date a mom, just wants to 'fool around' with a mom, or is a jerk-face. At the end of April, it will have been a YEAR since I've been in an actual relationship, and I've only been on two dates since then... one with someone who's now a very close friend of mine (and is also a teen parent), and the other turned out - big shock - to be one of the jerk-face guys. (At least that's what it's seeming like right now.) I'm not sure why, but I seem to have a knack for attracting guys who like to get shit-faced (excuse my french) in the middle of the day...

Not like I'm desperate to be in a relationship, but I'm lonely! I have such a tiny amount of a social life now, and I get terribly sad not talking to anyone, or having any intimate contact (I mean hugging and kissing, not the stuff that leads to babies) with anyone. Plus, this gives me such terrible hope for my future... sure, guys will be older in a few years, but I'm doubtful that it will mean they're more mature, or more into dating someone who already has a baby.

Well, maybe this is just a sign I shouldn't be dating...

And maybe my 'battery low' notification on my laptop is a sign this blog post should be done!!

Hope the world is good for everyone else. (: