Silence!

For the first time in what feels like forever, my house is actually quiet. (Well, excluding the clicking of my keyboard!)

My precious little Sabella is sound asleep, in her crib thankfully, my parents are sleeping, my sister and her baby aren't here, and nothing else is going on. No music, no TV's, nothing. It's so... amazing. Peaceful. It kinda makes me miss the times I had before Sabella, when I was home alone and there could just be nothing going on, I could just lay in bed for hours and think, or basically do whatever.

I love having her around, but sometimes I wish I could just put HER on pause and have a few hours where my thoughts weren't clouded by, "When does Bella need to eat", or "Is she awake? Am I going to need to go get her soon?"

Right on cue, she's awake now. (:

Later: Now, twenty minutes later, I'm back... someone needed a bottle and some cuddles before she fell back asleep! She's still a tad bit restless, but on her way to sleeping... I hope!

One of the hardest things for me, as a mom, is listening to her fussing over the monitor and thinking, "I can't go to her yet, if I go to her right now, she's going to eventually learn to be spoiled." Kills me sometimes to hear her upset and know I can't just go to her the second she makes a sound!!

But on the other hand, after letting her fuss for a minute or two, when I go to help her with whatever she wants, she's so happy to see me, which I totally love!

On another note, I got a break today, which was nice... my step-dad watched Sabella for a few (nay, 7) hours so me and my mum could go have some girl time without toting a baby around... as much as I love her, it's SO nice to get out sometimes! We went to the mall, did some shopping, and saw the Hunger Games, which we've both been DYING to see since we read the books... but I never imagined how much I'd miss Sabella being gone from her for so long! It was the first time since I gave birth that I was away from her for more than just a few hours. I was SO excited to see her when I got home, I didn't even get some of my stuff out of the vehicle, I just grabbed what I could and ran in so I could hold her!

The last thing on my mind today would be that, dang, I really, REALLY HATE being a single (teen) mom sometimes! Not entirely for the baby-aspect, but because it's so hard to date... every guy I meet seems to either not want to date a mom, just wants to 'fool around' with a mom, or is a jerk-face. At the end of April, it will have been a YEAR since I've been in an actual relationship, and I've only been on two dates since then... one with someone who's now a very close friend of mine (and is also a teen parent), and the other turned out - big shock - to be one of the jerk-face guys. (At least that's what it's seeming like right now.) I'm not sure why, but I seem to have a knack for attracting guys who like to get shit-faced (excuse my french) in the middle of the day...

Not like I'm desperate to be in a relationship, but I'm lonely! I have such a tiny amount of a social life now, and I get terribly sad not talking to anyone, or having any intimate contact (I mean hugging and kissing, not the stuff that leads to babies) with anyone. Plus, this gives me such terrible hope for my future... sure, guys will be older in a few years, but I'm doubtful that it will mean they're more mature, or more into dating someone who already has a baby.

Well, maybe this is just a sign I shouldn't be dating...

And maybe my 'battery low' notification on my laptop is a sign this blog post should be done!!

Hope the world is good for everyone else. (:

Teething!!

So Sabella is currently teething. She has been for the past three days, and I'm going INSANE!!!

She's so miserable from all the pain, all she's been doing since she started is scream, and scream, and scream some more. The only time she'll sleep soundly is when I give her tylenol, and even then she only sleeps for a few hours. So in the past three days, I've probably gotten a total of six or seven hours of sleep. I know that's what being a mom is all about, but oh my GOSH is it ever exhausting!! I'm so glad it's the weekend and now I can get some help from my mum and step-dad, otherwise I might have gone insane before the next few days were up.

So tomorrow, I'm getting a break while my step-dad babysits her, and me and my mum are going for a quick shopping trip and maybe a movie, too. (Fingers crossed that we're gonna go see the Hunger Games. :P)

I just hate that her teething came so soon, because she's so little, she can't hold a teething ring or anything, and she doesn't even like the teething ring I've bought for her, so really the only comfort I can give her (other than tylenol) is putting her soothers in the fridge and giving them to her cold, and cuddling her. So that's basically all I've been doing the past few days is cuddling her and rotating her soothers. I haven't even been able to put her down to use the washroom sometimes, because as soon as she notices I'm not holding her anymore, she panics and starts screaming again... to the point where she starts to cough and choke.

So today, once my mum was home from work, I folded three baskets of Bella's laundry, put them away, tidied her bedroom, and put more laundry in the wash. I almost made myself pass out from how much I did in such a small amount of time. But I'm just happy that her room - minus her garbage can and diaper genie - is almost totally clean again.

But there she goes crying again... my step-dad's holding her, but I still  feel like I need to go contribute somehow, so here's the end of this blog post... Hope everyone else (in the whole world...) is having a much better day/s than I am.

I feel so sorry for my poor little girl...

A Virtual Document of Life

Hello... my name's Holly. I'm eighteen, and in January, I gave birth to my daughter Sabella. Even though I'm young, she's my entire world. I really don't know what I'd do without her in my life...

I'm going to use this blog to document Sabella's life, and my life with her. Being a teen mom, I've found out, is definitely not easy. I wasn't expecting it to be. But there's great times through the hardships, and I want to share that with the world, along with all the terrible times that occur.

I'd like to say I'm going to post everyday, because that's maybe what a good 'blogger' would do, but I have a terrible memory, so I'm just going to post when I remember... hopefully at least a few times a week. This is also going to act as a publicized version of my journal... I won't be posting super personal stuff, but I will be posting things about my life that are relevant to Sabella, and have a purpose. (AKA, I won't just post that, "Today was good. I made grilled cheese. I like the moon.")

Let me note, I 100% support the use of birth control... I was on the pill - and using it properly - when I got pregnant, which just proves that nothing is ever totally protecting you. I didn't use a condom - which was stupid, considering I could have gotten an STD (thank the good lord I didn't!) - but that is definitely what I should have done, and maybe if I had, I wouldn't be in the situation I am in right now.

Another note, I would honestly not take back my decisions... first to not get an abortion, then to keep her... but I DO wish that I could have had her at a later time in my life... I had originally wanted to wait to have kids until I was 26. But I love my Bella, and she's my entire world.

I hope you enjoy reading about our lives.